More Pujols Rumors

The last few days have given us some of the worst sports reporting in recent memory. Here are a few Albert Pujols rumors that I haven't heard or read, but they're not much worse than what the so-called experts are cranking out:

• Pujols to run for President, names Bo Hart running mate
• Pujols to play Gollum in "The Hobbit"
• Pujols to counsel Miguel Cabrera on the dangers of alcohol
• Pujols announces concert dates with Justin Bieber
• Pujols signs to play QB for Washington Redskins; Mike Shanahan questions his conditioning
• Pujols wants to replace Steve Carell on "The Office"
• Pujols calls spelling of last name "confusing"
• Pujols joins Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly on "Bold Fresh Tour"
• Pujols texts racy photos to Brett Favre
• Pujols doubts Warren Report findings
• Pujols dies hair, admits "blondes have more fun"
• Pujols receives crank call, doesn't have Prince Albert in a can